I just realized that I became a victim of online fraud. I requested a refund but I’m not sure if I can get it.
I thought making the payment to their website was part of the legitimate process to apply, but actually it was a website that claims to help people fill out the documents. I just saw that they had a very small disclaimer saying that it is not part of any government agencies on their website, which I had not noticed before.
My immediate reaction: I hate them. I hate their low scheme to make money. I hate the fact that I fell victim to their stupid scheme. I hate me for being so stupid. This is especially a hard blow to me as I was thinking to pay more attention to how much I spend. I want to cry. It doesn’t matter now. I could save only so little by deciding not to have hot chocolate during the day. By cutting back on snacks and desserts. By deciding to buy more vegetables than meat. I blew away so much because of my stupid mistake. I won’t ever be able to save money.
After a short period of time, I watch the feelings of sadness, anger, and misery surface in my minds. They float over the waves of my thoughts and feelings. They surface and they sink into the waves.
I tell myself that it’s only natural that I feel angry and stressed. I’ve gone through a lot today. It was a hard day. I was under stress. It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes, and they did such a clever job of fooling me into thinking that paying them was part of application fee.
I may have lost some money that disappeared into the thin air but it’s not the end of saving money for me. I will continue to cut back on sweet drinks (limit to one a day), track down on what I’m spending on, and eat healthier foods. It’s okay even if I don’t get a refund (which is unlikely anyway).
I will not hate myself just because of this one mistake that I made, which was understandable. Anybody could have made the same mistake. Even if I don’t learn from this mistake, and make the same mistake again, I will not hate myself. Even if I don’t end up saving any money, and waste all my money on something useless, I will still not hate myself.
They may have taken advantage of my ignorance and used their well-designed official-looking website to reap some money out of my pocket. That’s their job. That’s what they do. I got fooled by them. I might get fooled again. It’s okay. It is no reason to hate myself and let it spill over to other parts of my life such as saving money. Later I may be able to tell it as a funny story.